Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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