I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
