RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
