no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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