Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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