no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
