It's like God shit irony all over that family
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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