There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
