It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
