Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
