I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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