At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
