I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
