I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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