I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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