WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
