I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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