matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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