fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
