saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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