It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
