Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
