I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
