Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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