Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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