I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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