i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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