Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
