Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
