We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
