Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
