so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
