you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
