are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
worst night to have a conscience
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
