Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
