The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
