i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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