it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
