Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
