No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we're making bets on your personal life
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
