Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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