Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
