hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
