true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
