i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
