I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
