Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
