i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
