I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
