; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
