I hope my margaritas pass through security.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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